Day by Day

Recently I was asked what my ambitions are. It caught me off guard and... as I tend to do with all weighty subjects.. I went wide eyed and silent... drawing nothing but a blank. I  told him or attempted to, in choppy ill formed words, that my eyes are so frequently at the ground or at the work at hand that I don't usually look up at my destination. I have faith that I will get there eventually and  trust that the view will be spectacular but in the meantime Im taking the steps to get there rather than imagine what things will like. The truth is life twists and turns and I could not for the life of me tell you what the next bend looks like let alone the summit and so I plod along admiring the view and the experiences at hand. Whatever they are. The path leads up a mountain of that I am certain. Sometimes there are vertical walls to be scaled. Sometimes huge boulders are to be climbed around. Sometimes there are rivers to forge. But, for the most part, the path is clear and a comfortable grade.. often it is one I cut myself. Maybe my destination isn't the summit. Maybe it lies in a valley of immense beauty with an Alpine lake. I don't know what my ambitions are but I know Im working hard towards something. Every minute of every day. Of course not much of this came through in my mumbled response. But he caught my gist and mentioned something about me being a mother. In my befuddled mind state, I didn't entirely comprehend his response. I thought I got the gist however... he saw my lack of ambitions, my being so uber grounded in the present, as stemming from being busy with the kids. Fair enough, I had to agree.

I just hit a rather big mile marker. I don't usually stop for too long, along the road of life, but for this one I did and, as such, talking stalk is part and parcel of the process. Pulling out the charts and compasses, reading the stars, looking for signs, scouting the terrain and plotting my course. The question of my ambitions egging me on for a response. If I look back at what I would have liked to have done had I have known my strengths and my weaknesses, my interests, hell, if I had simply known myself when I was in college I would have aimed to have been a music journalist. But where I am now, I don't regret that I didn't take that path. And looking ahead its not something I care to pursue now. So the question hovers and its causing me anxiety and then I come across this article which reminds me about my present and brings my head back down to the ground.. this is what I do.. this is who I am .. http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/  .. The path I walk is the one that is truest to my nature. As to where I am going.. Im not sure really. Yes I have things Id like to accomplish, a laundry list of things like.. Plank and pop up daily.. which maybe I do often.. not always daily.. but ambitions?? My ambitions really are to raise my tribe and EVERYTHING I do, Every step I take, is towards that single goal. So go ahead and call me  MOM.. Im ok with that alone being my title. Even though sometimes I may forget it.