Down for the Count

Knocked down and dragged out of the game without much fight left. F*^king flares. I hate them. I have not had one quite so intense or as long lasting as this one for a long time. I had almost forgotten that I could feel so damn crappy. Today is the last day of fall vacation for the kid and so this is the last day I have to coddle myself but after a week and a half I think (hope) I am on the serious mend. The weather changed just after the party... That plus the falling down.. plus the alcohol which triggers gout.. plus the inevitable post party blues when life returns to normal and those that sit closest to your heart disappear back into walls of their own lives.. it was the most perfect brew of "lets kick her ass" that has been concocted in a great many years. And to think I used to feel this way every day for years. Im thankful however that it didn't effect my mind too much this go around.. clothes in the dishwasher, milk in the cupboard, tongue stuttering and unable to form words.. All when I know where things go and I know what I have to say and yet I don't function right. The frustration. Yes It could have been worse. But still it has not been pleasant.   What can you do? You have to keep going, have to keep moving, have stay ahead of the pain. Either that or throw in the towel and succumb. Shall I move 2 inches a minute and attempt to weed whack or simply crawl in bed and prove completely ineffectual?  Neither way is pleasant. Anyway.. I have no desire to linger on the topic of my infirmary. Only to note it, recognize it. It is a part of me that refuses to be denied recognition. It screams.. "You are frail and weak and I will make you pay!" Pay for what I don't know. All I do know is I hate this shit and it is time to take some medicine.

In other news.. there is not to much. My news is what I make of life and if I spend it curled up like an ineffectual lump.. well.. Ive not got much to say.

Well I do have a few stories, Melissa gave me a mixed cd. Mixed cds are among my most favorite gifts ever received. I have only had a chance to quickly peruse it but already I know this one ranks up there with some of my favorites. I need to get the list of tracks from her. Anyway..

In other news, I witnessed a really interesting animal interaction the other day.  Splash and I were walking around the property and there was a cat out near the chickens. I released Splash to chase the cat.. but he didn't get it. he looked at me for instruction and I said "Go" and slapped him on the hind end. He started chasing the chickens for a second instead before I reigned him in. This happened to be in the horse pasture. Now normally he and the horses let each other alone and the horses where across the property. However the birds commotion drew the horses over at a full gallop. They stopped, checked things out and then proceeded to nudge and herd Splash away from the chickens in a very protective manner. It was a sight.

Its time to start prepping Halloween costumes and planning out the holidays and willows birthday. I suppose that can wait until I saddle up tomorrow because today I plan to finish my physical mending so Im ready for the road and all it holds.

Day by Day

Recently I was asked what my ambitions are. It caught me off guard and... as I tend to do with all weighty subjects.. I went wide eyed and silent... drawing nothing but a blank. I  told him or attempted to, in choppy ill formed words, that my eyes are so frequently at the ground or at the work at hand that I don't usually look up at my destination. I have faith that I will get there eventually and  trust that the view will be spectacular but in the meantime Im taking the steps to get there rather than imagine what things will like. The truth is life twists and turns and I could not for the life of me tell you what the next bend looks like let alone the summit and so I plod along admiring the view and the experiences at hand. Whatever they are. The path leads up a mountain of that I am certain. Sometimes there are vertical walls to be scaled. Sometimes huge boulders are to be climbed around. Sometimes there are rivers to forge. But, for the most part, the path is clear and a comfortable grade.. often it is one I cut myself. Maybe my destination isn't the summit. Maybe it lies in a valley of immense beauty with an Alpine lake. I don't know what my ambitions are but I know Im working hard towards something. Every minute of every day. Of course not much of this came through in my mumbled response. But he caught my gist and mentioned something about me being a mother. In my befuddled mind state, I didn't entirely comprehend his response. I thought I got the gist however... he saw my lack of ambitions, my being so uber grounded in the present, as stemming from being busy with the kids. Fair enough, I had to agree.

I just hit a rather big mile marker. I don't usually stop for too long, along the road of life, but for this one I did and, as such, talking stalk is part and parcel of the process. Pulling out the charts and compasses, reading the stars, looking for signs, scouting the terrain and plotting my course. The question of my ambitions egging me on for a response. If I look back at what I would have liked to have done had I have known my strengths and my weaknesses, my interests, hell, if I had simply known myself when I was in college I would have aimed to have been a music journalist. But where I am now, I don't regret that I didn't take that path. And looking ahead its not something I care to pursue now. So the question hovers and its causing me anxiety and then I come across this article which reminds me about my present and brings my head back down to the ground.. this is what I do.. this is who I am .. http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/  .. The path I walk is the one that is truest to my nature. As to where I am going.. Im not sure really. Yes I have things Id like to accomplish, a laundry list of things like.. Plank and pop up daily.. which maybe I do often.. not always daily.. but ambitions?? My ambitions really are to raise my tribe and EVERYTHING I do, Every step I take, is towards that single goal. So go ahead and call me  MOM.. Im ok with that alone being my title. Even though sometimes I may forget it.

Sunshine on My Shoulder..

makes me happy and there was nothing but sun this past weekend.  The party is over. The guests have all gone home. The rentals have been returned. And I finally have a minute to sit and reflect on the fun. First my horoscope for the weekend..

Libra horoscope for Oct, 03, 2013
All work and no play... well, you know how the rest of that goes - don't you, Libra? After all, you have been pretty busy lately. You are certainly someone who puts your obligations first. Your chores and duties are always addressed before your own more personal needs. But you need some time to yourself. You need to experience some kind of self-indulgence. It isn't that you are getting dull - but you may be starting to feel numb where your emotions are concerned. To appease your sense of duty, take today and tomorrow to complete immediate obligations. But let the weekend be yours!

I made sure to make the weekend mine. Friday night the guests began to arrive. Two of my oldest and dearest; Melissa and Terri, got in around 8 and we swiftly threw on ball gowns and glittery makeup (courtesy of Terri who is now demonstrating a very unexpected girly streak which proved extremely entertaining)

and proceeded to down a bottle of whiskey

 Well not the kids.. I won't let them drink whiskey! But they did get in on gowns (Willow anyway... the Boys hid afraid wed doll them up.. and rightly so!) and we danced ..

  Irie came in at midnight after her Highschool football game and dance. Im sure the sight of us was a tad unexpected but she was quick to jump in on the fun. But first .. SLURP!

Such a Lady!

 Greg got in from the East Coast a little bit later from his trip to Florida and beyond. Check his hotel..

When he got home he joined in on the whiskey but not the ball gowns.

As you can tell I was not so happy with his lack of participation! 

The next morning we got a slow start. The ladies took the girls to the thrift store (To look for more ball gowns of course) while I whipped up an incredible (If I do say so myself) brunch and waited for Nell and David to arrive. The weather could not have been more cooperative or hot. The sun was in full force without a cloud in the sky or wind to knock us over.

Later the caterer arrived and things got busy while we prepped the driveway and put out the tables.

We had a wide eclectic mix of guests from near and far. Other than my dearest peeps were old neighbors and new ones as well as some of Greg's employees.

We even had a Chinese guest join us on his first ever visit to the US. He did not have much command of English and so greeted everyone with an enthusiastic "Happy Birthday!" It turns out our event was the highlight of his entire trip.

There was mingling and nibbling and laughter all around until we sat to eat dinner and watch the sinking sun. Dinner was a Taco Bar. The first birthday I celebrated with Greg we went to Taco Bell (my choice at the time not his) And so while we were celebrating the here and now (Both 40 and now married 15 years. Damn) we were also celebrating all the small things that led us here. The celebration is not yet complete however as we are planning to cash in some of those frequent flyer miles and take in a Blackhawks game (Probably in December).

One of our young guests played guitar for us. The last song of his set was Pink Floyds "Wish You Were Here."  I paid him with a kiss on the cheek.

 After the bulk of the guests went home.. out came the ball gowns. Terri ended up in a tree. And then there was karaoke. The kids sung their hearts out




 After some pushing I decided to shock everyone and I took the mic. The crowds reaction was awesome. Boy did I shock em! "Hot Dog.. Hot Dog.. Watch me eat a hot dog." I even made Irie spit out her juice with that one.

 

And the party was over by 10:30.

Sunday our house guests made their departures and we slipped away for some water play with some other guests who where staying at a hotel on the beach.  Melissa ended up returning for forgotten items which extended her stay another night. I am not complaining.

It was a near perfect weekend and the only one who sustained any injury was me. (I fell down a few times.. but then I usually do.)

And that was the party! But that is not all that has been going on since my last post. Last summer Willow wrote a bunch of poems and submitted them to contests here and there. We received a notice that one had been selected for a publication. Woot! Way to go!

Also in the way of congratulations... Angele landed a full time job in a law office in Monterey. Monday was her first day. It is exciting and wonderful and I know that now she is in, she will go far.

The kids have the week off for Fall break. Recovery is mine! That and some serious garage cleaning. I need to attend to some mice. There is always work to be done!

P.S. I stumbled upon a great podcast for history buffs ..  Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. Give it a listen if you are inclined.

And with that I am off and running.

Ahhh.. what a life

Last week full of the normal routines, no major projects to work on but we ran with a steady pace.

 Highlights included a school field trip to Pebble Beaches Authors and Ideas Conference. It was super impressive. 50 parents pulled together to offer their cars to the 6th, 7th and 8th grades. You have to pay almost $100 to be fingerprinted with the FBI, you need to take a drivers course, and you have to fill out a ton of paperwork to be eligible as a driver. Not to mention all these people who took time off. I was able to get to meet some of Willows friends (I have to remain unobtrusive and clandestine in my picture taking as I don't want to embarrass her!)

and sat by the mother of one. She works at the school and so before class the girls hunker down in her office to chat and be out of the weather. I am thrilled she is right were she is and that her friends are also aiming for the same High School. I had the opportunity to speak with her science teacher who told me she shows great enthusiasm and spirit in class. I don't think she will have much problem getting a glowing letter of recommendation from him for her high school application. Fingers crossed as we head towards MOAS (Monterey Academy of Oceanographic Science). Anyway the field trip itself was fantastic. Award winning authors discussing their jobs and passions. Up my alley. In addition, we met a conductor from Britain who demonstrated the finesse, skill, ear and passion needed to draw out magnificents from a band. A four year old came on stage and played the violin. Damn. Talent. And an amazing teacher of theater from the  bay area was on hand to open up our understanding of Shakespeare and theater. It was a wonderful experience.

Earlier in the week I volunteered to help with picture day in the school garden.

Not a hard job. Keep the kids in line and quiet. But under the sun it was a little draining. Anyway, I slipped away for a minute and attended a conference with Willows homeroom teacher. Of course she is doing really well. She is willing to take risks and put herself out there. She is bright and attentive. Everything I would expect of her, she is or is doing. I returned to the photo work afterwards and when that wrapped up I headed to Connors classroom to watch his and some other students Culture Project presentation. Connor was the only one who made a movie, other students pulled together presentations on Prezi.com or went the poster board speech route. It was well received.

Friday I was supposed to go surfing but didn't. I don't know what hit me but my stomach was not agreeable to being in the water. Simply put my insides where wanting outside and getting in and out of a wet suit for frequent trips to  one of the nastiest port of potties this side of Monterey was something I was more than a little willing to pass up.

Another day this week, I met with Ray. He is another "Farmer". He had a Christmas tree farm in Colfax once. He has also raised pheasant and chicken (Which he will never do again because of the millions of rats and mice and critters that that such enterprise drew to his doorstep.. ground at night moving sort of thing) Anyway, Ray has equipment and can provide a little labor. I am still not sure how things might come together. Yesterday I got a call from him that said he was going to be meeting with the land lord today (He also rents from Eugene) and that it sounds like all that is needed is marketing. We will see how things shake out or even if they shake out. I know Id be fine with just keeping my attention on the acre that came with the house. The amount of yard work there is almost overwhelming in and of itself.  But with team work we are finally getting it tamed. Today will be spent mostly in the yard and painting a fence and it looks like it is going to be a beautiful day for it!

Another goose got eaten. Body pulled partially under the fence and lodged there. flesh stripped.. wing outstretched. Innards consumed. Willow found it and it sort of scarred her. She might turn vegetarian.

 I have noticed what I think might be early signs of arthritis sneaking into the joints in two of my fingers.

Angele, our roommate, has made it through a couple rounds of interviews and is patiently waiting the final call. Our fingers are all crossed for her to finally and fully embark on her career.

Yesterday Greg took off for a week in Florida and Vermont. He will return just in time for a party!  And then last night the kids and I went to the school to participate in the Fall around the world event. Essentially families from the school prepare a table with food, information and decorations from their cultures. Great Britain, Egypt, Nigeria, India, Japan, China, Guam, Philippians, Canada, Mexico, and a few others I can't think of where represented. It was a free event and the food was plentiful and delicious. The costumes were grand. And the company was great. I met Connors new best friends mother. I ran into Willows Science/Math teacher from the jr high in Marina where I volunteered. and already I am starting to recognize a good handful of parents.

 

Onward, upward and ever in motion.. Im out of here. A paintbrush and pruning shears are calling my name. 

 

The haps..

Well I have been busy.  Caught up in each moment while racing to the next. A quick run down.. Broken  glasses Frames. Eye Dr.s appt.  Willows vision having changed 60 % in one eye in a years time, Dentist Appt.s and Fillings... Jaw numb, puffy and drooling.. then Connor takes the chairs and requests not to have the shots. Can you do that? Apparently you can and without the stupid side effects or much pain. Connor being super sensitive about pain didn't really feel much of anything. Anyway .. allergy shots.. School and projects galore. 5th grade requires a lot of energy. Check out what Connor has been working on..

http://youtu.be/svIrVBBzNg0   Connors Culture Project draft

http://youtu.be/jHn0Mh-9640 Connors Spanish Project

Willow had her first Jr. High Dance.

 I chaperoned in the corner to be as unobtrusive as possible. She is doing well in school. Greg was in Tennessee for a bit and headed to Florida soon. His car went back in the shop and so much money and time later was returned unfixed. Its frustrating driving a car that stalls every time you stop. So Greg jumped on YouTube and trouble shot it himself. He had it fixed in half an hour.

Progress reports came in for the high schoolers. Irie has got her academics together. She broke up with her long term long distance boyfriend who we all liked. She is now off and running with new crowds and a new boyfriend. He seems decent enough though I have only one meeting to go off of.  Adan has shown  he has some room for improvement with his school work. Socially however he is the big freshman on campus. He was the only freshman in the Mr. North County fundraising pageant (a lot like a miss America/ homecoming king sort of thing), escorted by a lovely senior. He did good.

We have fish in the pond now

and we cleaned (with a wire brush) a section of the fence and painted it (Mostly Willow actually). Our landlord, Eugene, lent us a power washer for the rest. I drove into Cupertino to pick it up Friday after touring a Chinese grocery with Eugene and Javier there to take stock of what foods sell and for how much. Javier is a local organic farmer who is decent company and knows and loves his career.We are looking for ways to pair our resources with another individual named Ray to see if we can get the acreage around us producing a profit. We will see what comes of it. While in Cupertino Eugene treated us to some authentic Chinese food. Its not my favorite. There was this soup made of rice with preserved eggs and ham. It is considered a comfort food but I didn't take much comfort in it.

We have rearranged some of the furniture and changed the energy flow of the house. Its looking good, much more fluid and functional.  Preparations for our little party have been underway as well. Nell, Melissa and Terri all plan to be here and I am very much looking forward to all of their wonderful company.

Greg and I went to the Coffee Association Dinner the other night. It was interesting to see such knowledgeable individuals engaged in coffee talk. Of course I don't have much to add to such conversations but the food and location were suburb.

The old Grey Mare she aint what she used to be... She has a squirrel disease. Apparently it is not uncommon in this area to get it. Its a shame though as it looks like she may loose the foal she is carrying.

 

Surfing! I ran into my old Surf buddy and the college surf club. I will be joining them every other Friday starting this week.  Its been well over a year (maybe even two) since I last saw Rob (My brother in the water). His first words to me were.. "Wow, you have lost weight and your husband must be sooo happy!" He cracks me up. Anyway.. ive been practicing my pop ups.. It is finally time to get on my feet.

A Harvest Moon which really brought in a change of seasons, sunsets and sunrises, a cool fog rainbow  and a pic of Lord Stanleys little one to follow then it is off and running some more... Life is good.

 

        
   

          

 

The big one five

15 years ago, after 3 years of sin, I stood barefoot on a beach under a full moon at sunset and told Greg I would joyously stick with him as long as we loved each other. Those were not the exact words of course but it is what they amounted to.. well except for the part where the minister messed up and instead of joyously interjected jealously leaving us and the crowd (none of whom where naked despite our invitations request) perplexed as to why I'd put that in the vows.. Anyway.. here I am still barefoot on the beach so it is hard to believe so much time has passed. But on  the other hand we have lived many different lives and grown and changed and have experienced much together.  Too much to consider ourselves unchanged from the experience. The youthful cocky know-it-all reactionary boy I married has evolved into a every bit the steadfast compassionate driven man I knew he would become. An analogy.. he was sort of like a piece of jagged-y rough mountain rock which got caught up in my rivers meandering (for am I not a far and wide wanderer?) which eventual reached the sea when we wed.  After which, and over the last 15 years, the pounding tide of struggles and achievements, of remembered joys and forgotten sorrows, of challenges and lessons, of new found responsibilities and long lost freedoms.. These waves of living day to day and side by side have polished him quiet nicely and much to my liking. 

Glasses raised to us and everything that has shaped us.

This that and more

I realize I was going to try and post much more often but life has me living in my car and it just isn't possible to sit at a keyboard like I used to. Here are some of the stories I have been living..

Lord Stanley's beauty will live on through his little one... if it lives! 3 of 9 eggs hatched. One chick survived the week and now we are watching as the hens rear their young one. It is a wonderful sight but don't get to close otherwise Henny Penny will give you a flying peck attack!

I purchased 4 small "indoor" mushroom growing kits. One each of maitake, lions mane, reishi and shitake (although the Lions Mane is back ordered). Once they have fruited the remaining spawning material can be placed in logs or on compost (depending on strain). I will raise them under the tree at the front of the house.  By beginning this way, I can become more directly acquainted with the fungus and their particular "temperaments"  in our environment before the next phase. Ever moving forward.. At what sometimes feels like a snails pace.

My friend Susan ( I borrowed her truck when we moved some wood. Did I tell you I broke the back window completely out when a board hit it?! And she still loves me!) Anyway, her son has been home heartsick with the knowledge of his parents divorce so I have been offering him a shoulder and some laughter. So while I may not have done much writing (I have about a chapter fleshed out), it has been a worthwhile use of my time.

And speaking of Susan, she knows that the drifting I have been doing since school starts has been tiresome. Of course I have made the most of it, but, if I am not helping at the school, I have two hours to kill in the am before the Library opens. Ive made the coffee shop circuit (all three of them) but don't care for the prices (For the price of tea I could pay the gas to make the trip home and I am staying in town to save that money. Ive sat at the beach but that is not a lasting solution as the weather is not always agreeable. Ive snuck into stores to use the bathroom but felt guilty because I didn't make a purchase. And even if I am at the Library, the computers are usually tied up and I am without a computer.. well, as such it seems like I am pissing away my time to a certain degree. I has undoubtedly given me ample opportunity to read and write. And read and write I have but the situation is limiting. Susan, however, came to my aide and has made her otherwise empty apartment and computer (and unlimited internet!!) available to me any day I need. 

I have located a company offering a scholarship for a month long course, in Carson City of all places, on creating mycelium cultures. I was never adverse to lab work and the ability to grow our own mycelium really improves our potential. Sort of exciting. I still have to polish up my letter to them requesting the honor as well as determine what dates (a whole month is a long time and so Summer would probably be the time) and we will see what comes from it.

 

 I have made a new acquaintance of another mother whose son is also taking Fencing at school. She is a professional landscape designer who can get me into an 80 acre wholesale nursery. Im excited to go with her and hope the opportunity comes soon.

School is challenging the children greatly. Being dropped into Spanish with students that have been learning it since 3rd grade is one example but the kids are picking up on it. And there is a lot of homework and Project Preparation. Im not complaining about that though. Practice makes perfect after all. Connor is studying culture and is in the midst of a huge project to define his. It will end up being a movie and I will post once it is done.

The other night we heard a ruckus out in the yard only to learn that a coyote (or two) had carried off Ivan .. my favorite goose. All that remained was his head. The .22 now lies close at hand. DIE MOFO! Im a little pissed. Connor seems to be having the hardest time with this little bit of nature. Its a hard lesson to learn when your only experience with animals have been of the domesticated kind and you have never experienced the likes of a predator. With tears backed by rage, he asked me in earnest why can't all the creatures of the world be vegetarian. He has such a sweet soul. Speaking of gentler species,  I have not seen the deer in about a week... Maybe I don't have a deer problem anymore. Damn Coyotes keep eating my dinner!!

High School is turning out exciting for the two older children. The move to a new school was a bit worrisome to start but they have both settled in and are making (so far) favorable impressions on their classmates. The social side is so much healthier than it would have been in Marina. I think we are all sighing a breath of relief. How the academics compare I do not yet know but hope both are adequately focusing their attention on those important interactions as well.

Last Night I got a call from a dear and missed old neighbor friend hoping that my vantage point might offer a better view on some unusual activity in the sky out over the bay. There were multiple  "planes" (or perhaps not) flying in unusual patterns over the sky. They were lit up with white and red lights that strobed and gave them the appearance of twinkling stars.  Moving close then apart .. always in a straight line sometimes fast.. sometimes slow.. and often changing directions. Some were stationary for long periods. It was unusual to say the least and I wonder at its meaning in a global political context.

Greg is off to Nashville soon for a week and later in the month he will be off to Florida. His work is overwhelming him greatly but he is managing. He really has made a career for himself and his ability to handle everything he does at the office astounds me daily.

Work in and around the Farm continues steadily. Not being home to attend to the grounds during the week result in weekends being filled with physical labor and effort. Im glad I find it enjoyable. I am also glad that the seasons have shifted and we are warming up and the fog is burning out.

We are still planning to have a little celebration in October, which weighs on my mind but is not getting the attention it deserves but I know we will pull it together just fine.

Long story short.. life is busy and full of good work. Everyone is healthy but for the occasional cold and I have very little to complain about.. well.. I could complain that I don't get enough time to sit and keep you adequately updated as I would like.  But in the scope of things, that is a little one.

Time for me to turn my attention else where... Love you Mom!