Death, Life and all things in between

Curled up in bed. Toes frozen. They won't warm up in this empty bed. Greg in Vegas. They keep me alert. Awake. Which is maybe a good thing. Allowing me the space to stop and catch a breath and tell some tales from the adventure that is this life I adore and cherish. My aunt has told me step refers the writing to the video which I guess I will placate her some as it also means I can stay curled up.

So it's been a busy week and a half almost since my last post and.. well... Lets start start with Halloween...

Connor was a vampire in the spirit of

Vincent Price.

Willow was a peacock.

I was a gypsy jellyfish and Greg rounded out the lot of us as a monkey man. Irie and Aden opted out this year and stayed to pass out candy to non existent tricker-treaters. The weekend before there was a trunk or treat event at a friend of Connors church, willow had a party to go to, and Connor Greg and I attended a Halloween creepy event at a library put on by the local herpetological society. In other words, we went to check outs snakes and spiders and cockroaches and other such form of slithering and crawling creatures. Good times. Later during the week there was a costume parade at school and parties. The upper grades had a dance which I chaperoned. Chaperoning equates to maintaining the food tables. It was a feast which needed bowls to be filled and drinks to be ready. I assume Willow had a good time but only she could tell you for sure. That night was trick or treating. Which was your standard fair. Not much to say other than it was chilly and bitey.

 

During the week, Connor had a science project to do for school. I happened to catch it on video.  Watch my boy burn through his experiment!
 

In the evenings, I attended a number of school board meetings. Checking out the currents and testing the high school waters. Long story short, there is a program track at one of the local high schools that we have had our eye on. However in the last month an announcement has bee made that the program wished to become a district charter. The process towards that has begun and it has happened quickly. Parents are shell shocked with the news but its moving with such speed because it needs to. If the charter does not move forward and we put Willow in the program ( assuming an inter district transfer is approved and willow qualifies for the program with her grades) then she will be in a school with 1300 students and class sizes of 35 to 50 students. Wha?! Yes 50 in a class. This is an excelled program and the aim for the charter is to get the students out of these overpopulated general   classes and get them more focused studies. Hmmm...  And if the charter passes well we will still need to transfer and acceptance to get in which means this choice is not a done deal. . In a few weeks we will tour a private all girls school.  Through Surfrider I am already acquainted with a couple of teachers there and am certain of the quality of teaching and care of students. Class sizes are about 18. She would do magnificently there. You get what you pay for and I expect I will need to get a job by next fall.

And speaking of work.. I've been mentioning the options that face us here at the ranch.. And.. other than the mushrooms.. We have decided/realized that we are not the farming kind and have let the land lord know that we won't be able to move further in that direction. With Greg's travel and our already brimming full lives it is just not feasible. But... What about starting a food co-op like what has been grown in Reno? If I can get it off the ground...There is my job. If I can get it off the ground.. There is a win for me, for the comunity, and for our region. Im angry at the way things are, the evil driving force of food manufacturing corporations. Taking this on will be a stab at the vile beast. One of the vile beasts anyway.. for evil has many faces. (Maybe more on that later?! Deep topic needs delving first!)   Anyway.. Change has to start somewhere. We are stronger when we build a community.. when we strengthen the ties.  Why not give it a go? What is to loose? So I will be exploring that in depth next trip home and seeing about the steps are needed to move forward... towards a truly better world and towards private school.

This weekend I cleaned out the garage .. ick... rodents.. it is the country after all.  Greg began prepping logs for inoculation out in the grove and we attended a day of the dead party at one of our new neighbors where we learned Mexican dancing. It was quite enjoyable and discussions are in the works for a weekly neighborhood dance workout.
 

This week Willows class put on a poetry reading. They have been preparing for some time and all I can say is WOW!! I was unable to get any footage but let me tell you these kids are talented. Their voices ringing out clear and proud and strong. Poems ranging from dealing with watching a grandmother die of cancer, to ruminations on technology and how it disconnects us from the moment, to declarations of self possession and identity, to simply playing with sound. Mr. T had indicated that the presentation was intended to invoke deep emotion and it did just that. I laughed, I questioned, and I cried.. only a little.. tears staining the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to embarrass Willow in front of her classmates with a fit of sobs and tearing into the tissue although some of the poems certainly could have carried me to the realm of soulful weeping.  It was a wonderful and inspiring experience. And given the totality of these children's voices and their depth of character I realize just how bright our future can be. Bravo!

 

I killed Charlie. That's right, he is dead. I slit his throat Tuesday and tonight we ate him. My first kill ever (well not counting fish.. so removed from our food we are (said in my head with a Yoda-ish accent ). Warm blood bathing my hands. Neighbors pulling up to watch.. seriously.. sort of.. I picked a day and time when I could be alone to do this, allowing me to prepare emotionally and keep my mind on the task. I made a sacred killing space a pace away from the house so the blood would not bring predators into our space. I dedicated a new, sharp knife and cleaver to the task. I strung up Charlie. Hung him upside down. They go passive and calm that way. Id say he didn't see it coming but I told him on the walk to the killing ground and thanked him for. He looked at me and emitted a single "bawk" in response. As if to say "What?!" To which I looked him right in the eye and replied "You know what." After which he accepted his fate with dignity. The deed was done quickly, honorably and thankfully.  Then I dunked him in hot water and the plucking was easy.. That's when I realized I had an audience. They were not watching, distracted with the work they were doing in the adjacent field. Im not even sure if they saw me.. but they were there. Sharing the moment with me. Part of the circle of life... tending to the crops. We all have to eat. The rest of the process was harder and more time consuming. Skinning and gutting. Interesting.. here is the lung.. here is connective tissue.. Here is the craw.. That part took me the better part of two hours. But dang if he wasn't tasty. The meat in his legs was sooo dark. Darker than any turkey drum I have seen at Thanksgiving and certainly darker than any I have ever seen on a chicken from the store.



Charlie Before
 



Charlie After

And since you cant taste him.. I closing I leave you with this mornings sunrise and  this fun little mimicry of  a hen...

 

Fill er up!

So I have been getting quiet loud. What?! you haven't heard me?! Must be because I have not yet cruised by. Seems I'm out on the road. Bass thumping. Looking for some honeys... No not really. Well.. Except for the bass part. Anyway... Life has been filled with various activities and distractions. Flat tires, car issues, a stunned blackbird who flew into some glass, seeing Irie off to a week of homecoming events, Halloween parties (costume pics to come)  sick kiddos, helping friends put out fires,  and a host of other non routine events. Oh! And my anniversary gift of cashing in Greg's frequent flier miles to see the ducks vs Blackhawks has been scheduled. The next few months will be busy. Birthday and holidays.. But it's like that for everyone I guess!  In the midst of all of that I stopped a few times .. Come with me now for a quiet trip to the beach, then ride along with me while I go on about this and that then enjoy a few vignettes and me going on some more. And brother billy goat thought I was talkative before! Evil laugh mwahahaha! Just wait bro. By the way.. Look at them niners!

A trip to the beach
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_L8JW5Y-o

A trip in the car
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=359t7Uei8N0


And a bunch of other stuff
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6P_ihBFFFk

And so now I am off and running.. well not really.. Not quite yet.. the internet connection goes dead at 8:00. But shortly after Im off to take the roommate to have a wisdom tooth pulled. Oh Joy! Willow had new braces applied yesterday.. Ouch there too.  So it goes...

Back on the road again.



 

Setting some pace

I am back in the saddle, yo!  And well... here you go.

http://youtu.be/YNyCfrcjxOU

Down for the Count

Knocked down and dragged out of the game without much fight left. F*^king flares. I hate them. I have not had one quite so intense or as long lasting as this one for a long time. I had almost forgotten that I could feel so damn crappy. Today is the last day of fall vacation for the kid and so this is the last day I have to coddle myself but after a week and a half I think (hope) I am on the serious mend. The weather changed just after the party... That plus the falling down.. plus the alcohol which triggers gout.. plus the inevitable post party blues when life returns to normal and those that sit closest to your heart disappear back into walls of their own lives.. it was the most perfect brew of "lets kick her ass" that has been concocted in a great many years. And to think I used to feel this way every day for years. Im thankful however that it didn't effect my mind too much this go around.. clothes in the dishwasher, milk in the cupboard, tongue stuttering and unable to form words.. All when I know where things go and I know what I have to say and yet I don't function right. The frustration. Yes It could have been worse. But still it has not been pleasant.   What can you do? You have to keep going, have to keep moving, have stay ahead of the pain. Either that or throw in the towel and succumb. Shall I move 2 inches a minute and attempt to weed whack or simply crawl in bed and prove completely ineffectual?  Neither way is pleasant. Anyway.. I have no desire to linger on the topic of my infirmary. Only to note it, recognize it. It is a part of me that refuses to be denied recognition. It screams.. "You are frail and weak and I will make you pay!" Pay for what I don't know. All I do know is I hate this shit and it is time to take some medicine.

In other news.. there is not to much. My news is what I make of life and if I spend it curled up like an ineffectual lump.. well.. Ive not got much to say.

Well I do have a few stories, Melissa gave me a mixed cd. Mixed cds are among my most favorite gifts ever received. I have only had a chance to quickly peruse it but already I know this one ranks up there with some of my favorites. I need to get the list of tracks from her. Anyway..

In other news, I witnessed a really interesting animal interaction the other day.  Splash and I were walking around the property and there was a cat out near the chickens. I released Splash to chase the cat.. but he didn't get it. he looked at me for instruction and I said "Go" and slapped him on the hind end. He started chasing the chickens for a second instead before I reigned him in. This happened to be in the horse pasture. Now normally he and the horses let each other alone and the horses where across the property. However the birds commotion drew the horses over at a full gallop. They stopped, checked things out and then proceeded to nudge and herd Splash away from the chickens in a very protective manner. It was a sight.

Its time to start prepping Halloween costumes and planning out the holidays and willows birthday. I suppose that can wait until I saddle up tomorrow because today I plan to finish my physical mending so Im ready for the road and all it holds.

Day by Day

Recently I was asked what my ambitions are. It caught me off guard and... as I tend to do with all weighty subjects.. I went wide eyed and silent... drawing nothing but a blank. I  told him or attempted to, in choppy ill formed words, that my eyes are so frequently at the ground or at the work at hand that I don't usually look up at my destination. I have faith that I will get there eventually and  trust that the view will be spectacular but in the meantime Im taking the steps to get there rather than imagine what things will like. The truth is life twists and turns and I could not for the life of me tell you what the next bend looks like let alone the summit and so I plod along admiring the view and the experiences at hand. Whatever they are. The path leads up a mountain of that I am certain. Sometimes there are vertical walls to be scaled. Sometimes huge boulders are to be climbed around. Sometimes there are rivers to forge. But, for the most part, the path is clear and a comfortable grade.. often it is one I cut myself. Maybe my destination isn't the summit. Maybe it lies in a valley of immense beauty with an Alpine lake. I don't know what my ambitions are but I know Im working hard towards something. Every minute of every day. Of course not much of this came through in my mumbled response. But he caught my gist and mentioned something about me being a mother. In my befuddled mind state, I didn't entirely comprehend his response. I thought I got the gist however... he saw my lack of ambitions, my being so uber grounded in the present, as stemming from being busy with the kids. Fair enough, I had to agree.

I just hit a rather big mile marker. I don't usually stop for too long, along the road of life, but for this one I did and, as such, talking stalk is part and parcel of the process. Pulling out the charts and compasses, reading the stars, looking for signs, scouting the terrain and plotting my course. The question of my ambitions egging me on for a response. If I look back at what I would have liked to have done had I have known my strengths and my weaknesses, my interests, hell, if I had simply known myself when I was in college I would have aimed to have been a music journalist. But where I am now, I don't regret that I didn't take that path. And looking ahead its not something I care to pursue now. So the question hovers and its causing me anxiety and then I come across this article which reminds me about my present and brings my head back down to the ground.. this is what I do.. this is who I am .. http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/  .. The path I walk is the one that is truest to my nature. As to where I am going.. Im not sure really. Yes I have things Id like to accomplish, a laundry list of things like.. Plank and pop up daily.. which maybe I do often.. not always daily.. but ambitions?? My ambitions really are to raise my tribe and EVERYTHING I do, Every step I take, is towards that single goal. So go ahead and call me  MOM.. Im ok with that alone being my title. Even though sometimes I may forget it.

Sunshine on My Shoulder..

makes me happy and there was nothing but sun this past weekend.  The party is over. The guests have all gone home. The rentals have been returned. And I finally have a minute to sit and reflect on the fun. First my horoscope for the weekend..

Libra horoscope for Oct, 03, 2013
All work and no play... well, you know how the rest of that goes - don't you, Libra? After all, you have been pretty busy lately. You are certainly someone who puts your obligations first. Your chores and duties are always addressed before your own more personal needs. But you need some time to yourself. You need to experience some kind of self-indulgence. It isn't that you are getting dull - but you may be starting to feel numb where your emotions are concerned. To appease your sense of duty, take today and tomorrow to complete immediate obligations. But let the weekend be yours!

I made sure to make the weekend mine. Friday night the guests began to arrive. Two of my oldest and dearest; Melissa and Terri, got in around 8 and we swiftly threw on ball gowns and glittery makeup (courtesy of Terri who is now demonstrating a very unexpected girly streak which proved extremely entertaining)

and proceeded to down a bottle of whiskey

 Well not the kids.. I won't let them drink whiskey! But they did get in on gowns (Willow anyway... the Boys hid afraid wed doll them up.. and rightly so!) and we danced ..

  Irie came in at midnight after her Highschool football game and dance. Im sure the sight of us was a tad unexpected but she was quick to jump in on the fun. But first .. SLURP!

Such a Lady!

 Greg got in from the East Coast a little bit later from his trip to Florida and beyond. Check his hotel..

When he got home he joined in on the whiskey but not the ball gowns.

As you can tell I was not so happy with his lack of participation! 

The next morning we got a slow start. The ladies took the girls to the thrift store (To look for more ball gowns of course) while I whipped up an incredible (If I do say so myself) brunch and waited for Nell and David to arrive. The weather could not have been more cooperative or hot. The sun was in full force without a cloud in the sky or wind to knock us over.

Later the caterer arrived and things got busy while we prepped the driveway and put out the tables.

We had a wide eclectic mix of guests from near and far. Other than my dearest peeps were old neighbors and new ones as well as some of Greg's employees.

We even had a Chinese guest join us on his first ever visit to the US. He did not have much command of English and so greeted everyone with an enthusiastic "Happy Birthday!" It turns out our event was the highlight of his entire trip.

There was mingling and nibbling and laughter all around until we sat to eat dinner and watch the sinking sun. Dinner was a Taco Bar. The first birthday I celebrated with Greg we went to Taco Bell (my choice at the time not his) And so while we were celebrating the here and now (Both 40 and now married 15 years. Damn) we were also celebrating all the small things that led us here. The celebration is not yet complete however as we are planning to cash in some of those frequent flyer miles and take in a Blackhawks game (Probably in December).

One of our young guests played guitar for us. The last song of his set was Pink Floyds "Wish You Were Here."  I paid him with a kiss on the cheek.

 After the bulk of the guests went home.. out came the ball gowns. Terri ended up in a tree. And then there was karaoke. The kids sung their hearts out




 After some pushing I decided to shock everyone and I took the mic. The crowds reaction was awesome. Boy did I shock em! "Hot Dog.. Hot Dog.. Watch me eat a hot dog." I even made Irie spit out her juice with that one.

 

And the party was over by 10:30.

Sunday our house guests made their departures and we slipped away for some water play with some other guests who where staying at a hotel on the beach.  Melissa ended up returning for forgotten items which extended her stay another night. I am not complaining.

It was a near perfect weekend and the only one who sustained any injury was me. (I fell down a few times.. but then I usually do.)

And that was the party! But that is not all that has been going on since my last post. Last summer Willow wrote a bunch of poems and submitted them to contests here and there. We received a notice that one had been selected for a publication. Woot! Way to go!

Also in the way of congratulations... Angele landed a full time job in a law office in Monterey. Monday was her first day. It is exciting and wonderful and I know that now she is in, she will go far.

The kids have the week off for Fall break. Recovery is mine! That and some serious garage cleaning. I need to attend to some mice. There is always work to be done!

P.S. I stumbled upon a great podcast for history buffs ..  Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. Give it a listen if you are inclined.

And with that I am off and running.

Ahhh.. what a life

Last week full of the normal routines, no major projects to work on but we ran with a steady pace.

 Highlights included a school field trip to Pebble Beaches Authors and Ideas Conference. It was super impressive. 50 parents pulled together to offer their cars to the 6th, 7th and 8th grades. You have to pay almost $100 to be fingerprinted with the FBI, you need to take a drivers course, and you have to fill out a ton of paperwork to be eligible as a driver. Not to mention all these people who took time off. I was able to get to meet some of Willows friends (I have to remain unobtrusive and clandestine in my picture taking as I don't want to embarrass her!)

and sat by the mother of one. She works at the school and so before class the girls hunker down in her office to chat and be out of the weather. I am thrilled she is right were she is and that her friends are also aiming for the same High School. I had the opportunity to speak with her science teacher who told me she shows great enthusiasm and spirit in class. I don't think she will have much problem getting a glowing letter of recommendation from him for her high school application. Fingers crossed as we head towards MOAS (Monterey Academy of Oceanographic Science). Anyway the field trip itself was fantastic. Award winning authors discussing their jobs and passions. Up my alley. In addition, we met a conductor from Britain who demonstrated the finesse, skill, ear and passion needed to draw out magnificents from a band. A four year old came on stage and played the violin. Damn. Talent. And an amazing teacher of theater from the  bay area was on hand to open up our understanding of Shakespeare and theater. It was a wonderful experience.

Earlier in the week I volunteered to help with picture day in the school garden.

Not a hard job. Keep the kids in line and quiet. But under the sun it was a little draining. Anyway, I slipped away for a minute and attended a conference with Willows homeroom teacher. Of course she is doing really well. She is willing to take risks and put herself out there. She is bright and attentive. Everything I would expect of her, she is or is doing. I returned to the photo work afterwards and when that wrapped up I headed to Connors classroom to watch his and some other students Culture Project presentation. Connor was the only one who made a movie, other students pulled together presentations on Prezi.com or went the poster board speech route. It was well received.

Friday I was supposed to go surfing but didn't. I don't know what hit me but my stomach was not agreeable to being in the water. Simply put my insides where wanting outside and getting in and out of a wet suit for frequent trips to  one of the nastiest port of potties this side of Monterey was something I was more than a little willing to pass up.

Another day this week, I met with Ray. He is another "Farmer". He had a Christmas tree farm in Colfax once. He has also raised pheasant and chicken (Which he will never do again because of the millions of rats and mice and critters that that such enterprise drew to his doorstep.. ground at night moving sort of thing) Anyway, Ray has equipment and can provide a little labor. I am still not sure how things might come together. Yesterday I got a call from him that said he was going to be meeting with the land lord today (He also rents from Eugene) and that it sounds like all that is needed is marketing. We will see how things shake out or even if they shake out. I know Id be fine with just keeping my attention on the acre that came with the house. The amount of yard work there is almost overwhelming in and of itself.  But with team work we are finally getting it tamed. Today will be spent mostly in the yard and painting a fence and it looks like it is going to be a beautiful day for it!

Another goose got eaten. Body pulled partially under the fence and lodged there. flesh stripped.. wing outstretched. Innards consumed. Willow found it and it sort of scarred her. She might turn vegetarian.

 I have noticed what I think might be early signs of arthritis sneaking into the joints in two of my fingers.

Angele, our roommate, has made it through a couple rounds of interviews and is patiently waiting the final call. Our fingers are all crossed for her to finally and fully embark on her career.

Yesterday Greg took off for a week in Florida and Vermont. He will return just in time for a party!  And then last night the kids and I went to the school to participate in the Fall around the world event. Essentially families from the school prepare a table with food, information and decorations from their cultures. Great Britain, Egypt, Nigeria, India, Japan, China, Guam, Philippians, Canada, Mexico, and a few others I can't think of where represented. It was a free event and the food was plentiful and delicious. The costumes were grand. And the company was great. I met Connors new best friends mother. I ran into Willows Science/Math teacher from the jr high in Marina where I volunteered. and already I am starting to recognize a good handful of parents.

 

Onward, upward and ever in motion.. Im out of here. A paintbrush and pruning shears are calling my name.